Tråden för stötande skämt

[Nursey]

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - thats why I am here!"

 

[A_o_D]

She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - thats why I am here!"

 

[Jonathan]

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - thats why I am here!"

Klockren. You made my day !

 

[Kapten Blåskägg]

Klockren. You made my day !

Ja den var jeffligt bra!!!

Tjena mannen!

 

[A_o_D]

A chinaman and a jew are drinking at a bar when the jew gets nasty. "You motherfuckers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for Pearl Harbor. Sneaky little shits, bombing all of those innocent sailors, fuck you."

The chink replied, "Hey! Wait a minute, that wasn't us! I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese." The jew said, "Ahh, Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the chink says, "Well, what about your people? Sinking the Titanic and killing all those helpless women and children, I should fuck you up right here."

The kike exclaimed, "What the hell are you yapping about? Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it hit an iceberg, you jackass!" The chink said, "Ahh, iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

 

[Nursey]

Just dont do it to THIS nursey

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

 

[General E]

Vart får du allt ifrån??!

 

[Kapten Blåskägg]

Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Dagens sanning

Vart får du allt ifrån??!

Jag gissar på en snuskig hjärna

 

[Nursey]

Jag gissar på en snuskig hjärna

DAMN! Who told u??

 

[Kapten Blåskägg]

DAMN! Who told u??

That information is not for public use

 

[heimdal]

Just dont do it to THIS nursey

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

du är komedins mästare.. eller jävligt bra på att hitta kul skämt

 

[Nursey]

du är komedins mästare.. eller jävligt bra på att hitta kul skämt

Plenty more where they came from..I aim to please

 

[heimdal]

Plenty more where they came from..I aim to please

jah.. börja tilfredställa då ffs

need more absurd jokes!!!!

 

[A_o_D]

A trucker carrying a load of bowling balls picked up 2 nigger hitchikers who were pushing bikes with flat tires. He tells them they have to ride in back with the bowling balls, which is fine with them. A few miles down the road a cop pulls the truck over for speeding and he asks to look in the back of the truck. After a quick glance he shuts the door and tells the trucker to get the hell down the road as fast as he can. Then he gets on the police radio and tells his chief, "I got a truck headed your way, you escort him to the county line and get them to escort him right out of the state, quick!" "Why, what the hell is wrong?" asked the chief. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong....that truck is carrying a load of nigger eggs and 2 of them have already hatched and stole some bikes!"

 

[A_o_D]

A nigger finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. When he sees the nigger he says, "Oh, shit. What do you want?"

The nigger says, "I want a bridge from America to Africa made out of pure gold." The genie says, "Are you fucking crazy? You know how much gold that would take? That is impossible. Pick something else."

So the nigger says, "OK, I want all the little nigger children to be just as smart and good looking as the White children." The genie says, "OK, so that bridge, you want it to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"

 

[St.Anger]

Jag har en som är bra äcklig...

-Hur vet man att syrran har mens?
-Pappas kuk smakar blod...

 

[Nursey]

Jag har en som är bra äcklig...

-Hur vet man att syrran har mens?
-Pappas kuk smakar blod...

Brukar du smaka?..

 

[Nursey]

Dags för nyårslöften?
A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied. "Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are you?" "Twenty-six."

Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.

Q. How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand.

Q. What does Michael Jackson and a Nintendo have in common?
A. They are both made of plastic and kids turn them on.


Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
A. Hugh Grant.


Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.

 

[Wunder]

Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.

Jag fattade inte den...

 

[Nursey]

Jag fattade inte den...

John John Kennedy och hans fru dog då deras lilla propeller plan störtade ner i havet precis vid Marthas Vineyard för ett par år sedan