How to distinguish between different ways of metal music:
HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the
dragon, drinks some beers and f**ks the princess
GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely
undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes
from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in
an enchanted forest
TRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the
princess and f**ks her....... easy and quick
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing
accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird
instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the
dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with
his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to
death, steals the castle and burns the place before he
leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the
princess and kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and
impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes
the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing
her... then he impales the deflowered princess
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and
thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and
commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the
princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo
for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom,
the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays
another solo with all the techniques learned in the last
year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is
now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's
appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess'
make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink
color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an
obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of
fairy tale land by security guards.
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his
guts in front of the castle, f***s the princess and kills
her. Then he f***s the dead body again, slashes her belly
and eats her guts. Then he f***s the carcass for the
third time, burns the corpse and f***s it for the last
time.
NU METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and
attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when
his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
/F.
HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the
dragon, drinks some beers and f**ks the princess
GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely
undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes
from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in
an enchanted forest
TRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the
princess and f**ks her....... easy and quick
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing
accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird
instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the
dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with
his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to
death, steals the castle and burns the place before he
leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the
princess and kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and
impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes
the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing
her... then he impales the deflowered princess
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and
thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and
commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the
princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo
for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom,
the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays
another solo with all the techniques learned in the last
year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is
now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's
appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess'
make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink
color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an
obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of
fairy tale land by security guards.
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his
guts in front of the castle, f***s the princess and kills
her. Then he f***s the dead body again, slashes her belly
and eats her guts. Then he f***s the carcass for the
third time, burns the corpse and f***s it for the last
time.
NU METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and
attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when
his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
/F.
